Happiness When? What happiness is ?

 

If my partner won’t change then I can't be happy in this marriage..

I can only be happy when my walk away spouse, comes home..

I can only be happy when I have won the lottery..

I can only be happy when I weigh 40 lbs less than I do now..

I can't be happy if my political party is not government..

          So from reading the above it would logically follow that one can only be happy when certain conditions exist.... but does any of the above ever happen?

          “People are about as happy as they make up their minds to be” - Abraham Lincoln

          True happiness can only be derived from within; it is independent of factors from "out there", of circumstances and other people.

          Most people only know the plastic variety of happiness, a counterfeit conditional kind, “conditional happiness”. This of course is okay as long as our expectations are fulfilled, and if so we ride high on the HAPPINESS QUOTIENT!! However, if one or several of these conditions change for the worse, our happiness house of cards comes crashing down.

          To free ourselves from this never ending roller coaster ride we need to cease saying: "You this… you that… you the other thing… you spouse – hurt me… you – daughter – disappoint me… you – friend – make me sad  or you – bad driver – make me angry... you-the weather - you are making me depressed"

"It's ranting, Oh! how depressing",

"The economy sucks, how scary"

"Politician? They enrage me",

"My career doesn’t satisfy me".

and then we go on to say

          "What are you – spouse, daughter, friend, bad driver, God, Weatherman Economist, banker, baker politician, corporate executive, doctor and candle stick maker and on ad infinitum – going to do about that? What and how are you going to change so that I will be pleased and can be happy?"

          

           How about that we let them off the hook? And not hold them or outer events responsible for the way we feel. Let’s hold ourselves responsible and accountable for the way we feel and let’s say instead

I am sad…

Disappointed…

Hurt…

Upset…

Depressed…

Afraid…

Enraged…

Unsatisfied…

And then say

“I am going to do something about this!”

I am making a decision and I am setting a new goal that “nothing is more important than that I feel good”.

          True lasting freedom exists in the knowing that we create our own reality. If we were taught and learned well the lesson that our emotions are choices, our choices, then there is no need to blame others for our unhappiness.

          We can, the first time in a lifetime be totally free. No need for us any longer to try to control other people or circumstances and events (a futile undertaking at best). Despite what happens, we can learn to bring ourselves back into alignment with who we really are at the center of our being. At any given moment and anywhere we can open up to the source, energy of well-being that is creating and maintaining worlds. When we do that, our life will be filled with happiness.

When we feel happy we are free to be creative,

Free to be clear minded,

We are intuitive (not assumptive), free to be inspired, to be enthusiastic, to be affectionate, we can laugh a lot and often, free to appreciate ourselves and others, to be strong.

And free to be in love with ourselves, others and with life.

          Our happiness goes with us everywhere. We radiate vitality and zest for living wherever we go and those we meet benefit from our joy.

          I think most of us can remember having had such experiences of living life in the moment. Wouldn’t it be fantastic to do it more often? I doubt that there's anything more valuable that we could give to ourselves and others and to the world than to radiate inner-derived or Unique Individual Unconditional Happiness.

Poonam R Khairnar

Relationship Counselor
http://udyojak.org/poonamkhairnar/

poonam.counselor@rediffmail.com