Tuesday, 10 November 2020
Saturday, 9 May 2020
MY JOURNEY..
RELATIONSHIP COUNSELOR
Starting my career as a Counselor was itself a challenge to me too. My professional career as a Pharmacist was in trouble, had just made a round to a Lawyer's office trying to search for an outcome for the turbulent marriage. It was a chaos with family and friends and well wishers almost everybody providing "free of cost" advice for the literally "life and death" situation of mine!!
I must say all the ideas, advices, pravachans bombarded on me did to some point provide solace, comfort, breathing space too. However, none of it seemed to be long term. It did seem to provide me instant gratification like the 5 minutes instant noodles!! Obviously, the fish market chaos would return in no time in my head.
Oddly, I noticed that I was able to support, guide, comfort others with similar issues! I couldn't help myself, couldn't see clearly for myself but was able to show right paths for others!! So keeping my troubles on the backburner, I enrolled for a course in Basic Counseling CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) with Dr. Minu Bhonsale at Heart to Heart Institute.
The idea was to empower myself with the tools in a systematic manner to be effective and result oriented for others in need. And there the MAGIC happened! The tools, the assignments, the sharings of us all students, the experiences and the profound knowledge of Dr. Minu Man helped me see where I stood, what was it that stopped me, what I could still create from the rut of my life. It was amazing, the Healer getting healed first... to become ready and prepared for the job with empathy and not sympathy!!
Not every student who attended the course became a Counselor. Many like me, healed their wounds and returned happily to their lives. Many others utilized the learnings in their already existing professions. And the remaining few including me decided to walk the path, bring in the much required Sunshine in the invisible sorrow filled hearts of many.
I started by saying that my career as a Counselor was challenging. Yes, it sure was. I remember for nearly a year, I was conducting free workshops on various topics, creating awareness on the need of counseling. Created awareness that the matters, issues to be dealt with remain only between the Counselor and the Counselee. The privacy of the Counselee is well protected. had started writing blogs too. Had taken sessions of personal counseling on Rs. 1 fee structure. Just as Body Health (Physical Health) needs to be cared for, similarly Mind Health (Emotional Health) is also very important. Mind and body function closely together creating the much needed harmony of our overall well being.
One does not become a Counselor by just passing the exams conducted for the course but a Counselor grows by each and every case that he/she handles. While gaining my peace of mind, my confidence in myself; finally I risked my Pharmacy profession and started operating as a full time Counselor. Time and patience are the two important tools for any and everything and yes, I too cleared all the hurdles of my personal and professional life with flying colours!!
It was a long time lingering thought that I should now start writing blogs again, share my journey as a Counselor, share the stories that may resonate with many of you out there, pen down the varied cases I have handled, is handling.. for you to be guided by it in your ups and downs and also to let you know that am here, nearby, available to you all at all times you need/require support, guidance, listening ear, clarity..
Stay tuned. Soon will share Counseling cases and stories and my journey as a Counselor too.
Feel free to reach out to me.
POONAM R. KHAIRNAR
Relationship Counselor
Magical Relationship Counselors
https://udyojak.org/poonamkhairnar/
9004874093
poonam.counselor@rediffmail.com
Tuesday, 30 August 2016
WHEN TO APPROACH FOR COUNSELLING - SIGNS N SYMPTOMS
WHEN TO APPROACH FOR
COUNSELLING
SIGNS N SYMPTOMS
In
the last blog, I discussed about Myths & the need for Counselling. This
blog is a furtherment towards narrowing the need for Counselling, supporting
you all in recognizing the Signs N
Symptoms. It is a sad fact that even after so much of advancement in
practically all the fields, Counselling still is considered a “taboo”.
An
immediate retaliation is notice.. “Crazy
people go for counselling!!” “Are you suffering from a nervous breakdown?”
There is bemusement. Not to mention the fact, many still operate from the zone,
“Thank God, I have been saved from falling in the hands of a
Counsellor/Therapist”. It is easy to pretend, “I AM OKAY!” One is saved of the embarrassment, ridicule,
questioning, labeling, and categorization.
One
cannot deny that keeping up with a fast-paced environment is physically &
mentally strenuous. However, equally vital is the fact that pretending is
surely not going to help for long!! In an attempt to lead a healthy, meaningful
and spiritual life, many traverse through yoga, meditation, self-help books,
relaxing vacations, long drives, development training programs, etc.
A
thought arises in the midst of all, “Why
not look at Counselling process as just one of the many mediums available to
us?” Let it be bringing clarity of thoughts, identifying issues, managing
life, defining problem, discovering an unconscious block… a
Counsellor/Therapist is going to support you, work… one on one with you. There
is a possibility that psychiatric medicines may be required to be involved,
however, visiting a Counsellor/Therapist does NOT mandatorily include medicine too!
Before
we try to recognize the Signs N Symptoms to avail services of a
Counsellor/Therapist, it is vital to understand that you do not need to be a
Depression patient or a Schizophrenic. A simple action like drowning self in
endless work or with sexuality or with substances (food/alcohol/drugs) to avoid
anything that causes trouble or upset or pain or loneliness, needs to be
addressed through Psychological Counselling. The attempt to avoid an untoward
circumstance only sinks you further in gloomy darkness of despair.
Ø Anxiety
Ø Depression
& Mania
Ø Family
Issues
Ø Health:
Addiction/Disorders/Illness & Somatoform Disorders/Pain Management/Smoking
Cessation/Stress Management/Wellness
Ø Performance
Enhancement
Ø Phobias
Ø Spiritual
Issues
Ø Trauma/PTSD
(Post-traumatic stress disorder)
ANXIETY –
Anxiety
can be considered as the next stage/aggravated stage of FEAR. Fear is a feeling/state observed when you actually face an
untoward situation. For eg:- While walking down a road, a stray dog suddenly
jumps on you trying to bite. It is very natural response to feel fearful/scared
and attempt to save self from getting bitten.
However,
every time getting worried seeing a dog in public, even it is a pet dog, tied
with a leash, fearing that the dog will still jump and will bite… that’s ANXIETY. Anxiety relates to a
threat that is imaginary, not necessary that it will happen.
The
psychological basis for Anxiety can usually be located in childhood experiences
that lack clear explanations and guidance from parents who tend to be
disinterested, critical, or abusive. Hence, the children grow to dread
circumstances that have unknown or unpredictable aspects.
Many
live with a constant, general sense of worry and anxiety. Typical symptoms are
tension, restlessness, fatigue, irritability, sleep disturbance and difficulty
concentrating. One can also
experience panic attack, where heart beats faster and faster.
DEPRESSION
& MANIA –
There
are periods in almost everybody’s life, which can be referred to as feeling
“blue” or “down”.
Hormonal
changes in teenagers can sometimes make them moody, disturbed, upset, cranky. Bereavement,
death of someone close can involve feelings, which are similar to depression.
Major
Depression/Major Depressive Disorder/Clinical Depression/Unipolar Depression
involves low mood and/or loss of interest in regular activities.
Sometimes
you may loose touch with reality, experience psychosis, like hallucinations or
delusions. At this point, interaction with the help of medication may be
required. Counsellor/Therapist may advise you medications or refer you to a
Psychiatrist as an adjunct to Counselling/Therapy.
MANIA/MANIC
DEPRESSION/BIPOLAR DISORDER –
Mania
is like the opposite of Depression –
symptoms include feeling great, having lots of energy, having racing thoughts
and little need for sleep, talking quickly, having difficulty focusing on tasks
and feeling frustrated and irritable. There could be hallucinations. It can be
a family history too.
FAMILY
ISSUES –
Family
– a tree of various relationships, involving different age groups, different
ideologies, thought processes, expectations, demands, personal space, intimacy,
communication, societal stress, etc. innumerable factors lead to many
complications.
Family
therapy is best suited for addressing family conflicts. One needs to accept the
fact that many a times the family’s own attempts to solve a problem has
actually caused new problems!!
Intervention
by a Third Party Unbiased Person –
Counsellor/Therapist is the best course of action.
HEALTH
ISSUES –
From
hereditary diseases/disorders to a mere heachache can govern one’s day-to-day
life adding to anxiety, fear, anticipation, frustration.
Counselling
can be uses as a therapeutic adjunct in several fields:
·
Addictions
·
Substance Abuse/Substance
Dependence
·
Withdrawal/Alcoholism
as a Disease
·
Eating Disorders/Obesity
·
Hypertension (High
Blood Pressure)
·
Smoking Cessation
·
Puberty (Male &
Female)
·
Premenstrual Syndrome
·
Menopause
In
cancer patients, for the process of pain management or help cope with chronic
(on-going) pain, Counsellor/Therapist often serve as Pain Teams in hospitals.
SPIRITUAL
ISSUES –
The
thought process governing our very own existence in birth, trying to find or
search the personal meaning in life, a general well-being of life satisfaction,
directions usually tend to confuse one more. Again, issues as coming to terms
with mortality, future creation, ancestral problems, ghosts… questioning their
existence… leads to a varied complexity in our day-to-day life.
Least
to say many a times, we find it difficult to talk about our problems even with
friends or family because they are directly involved in the issues.
There
is also a chance/possibility that before you recognize that you need support, a
colleague or friend or a family member or your partner may suggest it to you.
Do not go into retaliation immediately. Seeking support of a
Counsellor/Therapist could be the next best option that your loved ones/well-wishers
is wishing you to explore. Counselling can help you improve your relationships
with Self and others and also your ability to communicate.
Feel free to connect with me
through:
piyaangel.k@gmail.com
Counselor
Poonam Khairnar on Facebook
Poonam
Khairnar
Counselor
09004874093
Friday, 1 July 2016
COUNSELING:- IS IT FOR ME???
COUNSELING:- IS IT FOR ME?
Am
sure you will hardly have come across a person who has never heard the saying,
“Do not climb the stairs of a Doctor, Police or Court!” Oddly, just as you pass
your ethics, religious belief systems, ideologies from generations to
generations, this saying has somehow instilled an unknown fear within us all.
We want to keep the Doctor at
bay, but forget OR find it difficult to follow a healthy lifestyle. We want to be a good law abiding citizen,
however, we do end up paying fines… or fall victim to others wrong doings!!
All
in all, in the effort to avoid a Doctor, a Police Official or a Lawyer, as the
saying goes… we end up coming in contact with them. However, the medium
obviously is in such a way that the saying, gets reinforced in our nervous
system… Brain!!
We
can surely interpret that “MYTHS” are the main culprits that stop us from using
any medium to our benefit. The heading that I have chosen too falls under the
one of the many famous categories of MYTHS.
Counseling:- Is it for ME?
Well,
the very first query that should arise must be, “Why counseling cannot be beneficial for all?”
However,
as the MYTH goes, the word ‘Counseling’ automatically is associated with the
word, “Insane/Mad/Depression”. And thus the next thought is, “I am NOT
insane/mad/in depression!! So I do not need Counseling.” True, the work in the
area of counseling started by trying to understand what caused such extreme
conditions in us… Human Beings!! A lot of research was conducted, is still being
done to understand and stop and prevent the stage of downfall.
With
our fast-paced lives, our career orientedness, being surrounded with gadgets
for anything and everything… we have bargained our place, patience for anxiety,
frustrations, upsets, anger. The small culprits who later in the long run lead
you to the path of self-destruction. You may attach the word “mood swings” to
your food habits, or to the sudden outbursts of anger or feel like crying or
want to sleep, spend that extra hour in bed. Depression wouldn’t mean
immediately getting thoughts of suicide!!
Nevertheless,
it is a stage where the person himself/herself is hardly aware that he/she is
falling or has fallen in deep pit of self-engulfing destruction! In short, like
the saying, “A stitch in time, save nine”, the very first sign of discomfort
that you are not able to address by yourself needs to be checked. Try taking
support from your immediate environment….. family, friends, relatives,
colleagues, teachers, your seniors in office.
And,
still if you feel that your discomfort continues, make sure you visit a
Counselor/Therapist. Understand the fact that you need NOT be a LABELLED ‘Mad
Person’, ‘Suicidal tendency person’, ‘in Depression’ to meet a Counselor/Therapist.
You can meet a Counselor/Therapist to just empty your brain, heart, thoughts…
feel light, fresh and start again happily. A Counselor is nothing but a Third
Party Unbiased Person who is allowing you to be yourself… listening to you, at
the same time not judging you, belittling or ridiculing you. Unless, you are
willing to work on self, ask for support for what you want, the Counselor is
not going to force you!!
One
will feel the difference after speaking with the Counselor for an hour. However,
the actual work starts when you are ready to transition the change in real life
also. Therapist/Counselor hears you out, helps you recognize your thoughts and
emotions and together with the Therapist/Counselor, you can generate apt
solutions for your problems. IT IS NOT THE JOB OF COUNSELOR/THERAPIST TO GIVE
YOU ADVICE. It is a Symbiosis process of GIVE & TAKE.
Lastly,
COUNSELING IS NOT MAGIC. You will feel relief, lightweight after you had a talk
with Counselor/Therapist, however a significant reduction in the problem will
take sometime… that too with your active participation in the therapy!
Nonetheless,
the fact remains for you to get relief, support, you need to reveal everything
to the Counselor/Therapist. Moreover, yes, it is NOT mandatory that you reveal
all in the first meeting itself. Trust and comfort zone is the base for any
relationship. Counseling/Therapy is to help you let loose of all that has piled
within you.
I can
surely now count that instead of getting bogged down by any labels that the
society might want to put on you… you will visit an Orthopedic Doctor for your
bones, an Advocate to know about your legal rights, Police to help you
implement you rights or prevent from being victimized.
Similarly,
you will visit a Counselor even if you only wish to talk and talk… rearrange
your thoughts/priorities… work out on personal goals… get rid of negative
haunting thoughts… deal with age-related issues… work on your relationships
with other and most importantly with SELF!!
"LET'S LIVE, LAUGH N LOVE"
Feel
free to connect with me through:
piyaangel.k@gmail.com
Counselor
Poonam Khairnar on Facebook
Poonam
Khairnar
Counselor
09004874093
Saturday, 5 December 2015
EMOTIONAL HEALTH IN MARRIAGE
The
word "Health" by default is attached to our physical health only. The
emotional aspect is now slowly gaining its much needed importance not only for
self or individual but also in relationships/institution of marriage.
Being
emotionally healthy simply defines our control on our emotions & our
behaviour attached with our emotions.
Pramod
had recently joined a new firm since he wasn't happy with his previous company.
He would be mostly irritated, impatient with his colleagues there. However, to
his dismay he had somehow landed with same kind of environment again!! A shift
in the thought process was brought to Pramod's notice, "As the seed of
thought is sowed, so shall be the sapling growing!!" The grudges, complaints,
upsets against the colleagues of the previous company was still present in his
memory. All it needed for the same zone to pop up was a few instances to occur
in the new firm too!
"Why me?" a question
comprising of just 2 words encompasses one into anger, frustration, depression,
zone of fear of failure, loneliness, many-a-times affects one's physical
health, performance in work and yes, most importantly, the base of Marriage is
endangered.
It
is easier and also a habit of most of us to first blame another for any
situation/event arisen. By doing so primarily the burden of owning
responsibility is immediately shrugged off onto another. For the time being,
there is peace or let's say the gravity of mess created by self in that
particular situation/event is diluted. However, in the long run it is just the
beginning of the downfall of a relationship. Trust, loyalty, belief system,
attitude, behaviour, space, peace... in short the world of the two people in
the Marriage is slowly uprooted.
The
prominent fear faced and never accepted by the couple is the fear of
non-acceptance by the other partner.
Neeta
knew that her fear of insecurity many-a-times had caused her to suspect her
husband's loyalty in their marriage. She also doubted self thinking she is not
good enough a partner in marriage to her man. Her continuous thought process
made her more anxious, impatient, irritable. However, instead of owing and
addressing the issue, she automatically found it easier to put blame on her
husband. "He is always coming late." "He never answers my phone
calls." "He never appreciates me."
As
cold and flu is known contagious disease, the emotional illness of one partner
gradually affects the emotional well-being of the other partner. The
children/future generation too is indirectly getting affected. It is not only
the new generation that is arrogant or impatient or non-adjusting but what they
have witnessed in their growing years is also important to be considered.
The
marriage is an institution wherein efforts by both the partners is required to
be put in. It is never an attempt of workability on the part of one partner only,
in marriage. Like all fingers of the hand are not the same, so is the case with
the couple in Marriage. Instead of "Who is falling short?" "How
can we rekindle the spark in Marriage?" is the question to be addressed.
The
search for the emotional well-being in a Marriage will surely start with the
couples readiness to accept their responsibility in the Marriage, evaluate
their shortcomings and commit to self to work on those. All you need to do is
look for the support system around in the form of family, friends...
COUNSELLOR.
"LET'S LIVE, LAUGH N LOVE"
Feel free to connect with me through:
piyaangel.k@gmail.com
Counselor Poonam Khairnar on Facebook
Poonam Khairnar
Counselor
09004874093
Thursday, 26 November 2015
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